Tongue Control

"Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."

Proverbs 12:18

"A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even tempered. Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue."

Proverbs 17:27-28

Ain't that picture priceless? Can't you just think of someone right now who that bull reminds you of? Someone who goes charging in to speak their mind- even when the counsel is not wanted? Someone who absolutely can't hold their tongue and absolutely missed their calling as the 'gossip columnist' of the week? Someone who can't wait to share the juicy misfortune of others? Someone who loves to tell all the gory details of their life situation and all those who have offended them? Someone who takes your prayer request to the Lord in absolute sincerity and then turns around and blabs it to every Tom, Dick & Harry? Someone like you? Someone like me?

Uh-oh. Is that too harsh to even consider? Okay- so maybe a lot of that first paragraph is worded in such an uncomfortable way that no one would take responsibility to be that bad...

What, however, does the Bible say? Is it just the busy-body's with too much time on their hands that are addressed in scripture? The Word instructs us over and over to bridal our tongue. We are reminded that a soft answer turns away wrath...that the fruit of believers is to show gentleness, kindness, and self control... to let the words of our mouth and the mediation of our heart be acceptable in the sight of a Holy and righteous God.

Are we building others up (whether it is deserved or not) in the sight of their friends and family- or are we tearing them down and destroying their reputation one conversation at a time?

Let me tell you a personal story. I had a situation occur a while back in which I decided to share something (with no malicious intent in my heart) to someone else. In all honesty- it wasn't my business, but it was interesting. A little while later I realized that my 'confidante' wasn't as concerned as I was with keeping this information between the two of us. I absolutely panicked. I had to call 'so and so' and 'so and so' and remind them that if this got back to 'so and so' that they would be devastated. I worried. I fretted. I told myself, "I'll never do this again!.

But, alas... as news comes about and seems so interesting to be shared... will my husband be the first to hear of it? Or can I control my tongue enough to keep it to myself- whether or not it would make good dinner conversation. A good rule of thumb- if I'm worried that my words spoken in secret might be 'found out'- then I need to say quiet. As the Bile says, 'even a fool is thought wise and discerning when he holds his tongue'.

We must also be careful not to engage in gossip either. Listening to someone else's words of destruction can be just as damaging as sharing them yourself. Being a willing party to another's hurtful criticism can fuel the fire and destroy the victim much more quickly. Instead, put a stop to it... don't nod your head in approval, but rather leave the conversation; change the subject or begin to interject kind and healing words about the individual in question....even if they don't deserve it.

Be challenged- dear friend...that even our most private of conversations are heard by our Redeemer. If someone has done you wrong, allow Him to take care of it. Even if it is "yours" to share- consider if it is worthy and uplifting to communicate or just feeding the lust of the flesh. Will God be glorified or the god of this world?

Just Keeping Tracking... in 2008

As I sat down to prepare for bed last night I was reminded of my 'miles' sidebar that hasn't grown any in the past week. Our family has been sick with the stomach flu, respiratory flu, sinus infections, bronchitis, ear infections, and the plain old cold for the past month. (Yes, I know... you are wondering how you too could contract this and are feeling the urgency to visit.)

Well, as I began thinking about the miles, my mind began to wander. It could have been the cough medicine, but we'll chalk it up to "spiritual reflection". What if we started keeping track of lots of other areas in our life...including all things related to our personal relationship with Christ. Granted, I wouldn't dare compare it side by side with say 'exercising' or 'reading' or 'shopping'. It is interesting, however, to see how our daily time would be spent.

I am reminded as I read Galatians 2 this morning that we are justified through Christ Jesus and not through the law. There is nothing inherently or salvifically wrong with enjoying the pleasures of life, but has it become our focus? Have the things that satisfy the flesh become the primary rule or the exception?

Let us take the challenge to do a little internal inspection. If we were to keep a sidebar like the one below... what would it say?



Just Keeping Track in 2008

Study in the Word/ Prayer/ Evangelism: 0.0

Personal Entertainment/ TV: 0.0

The Fruit of God's Spirit: A Look at 'Self Control'

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit."

Galatians 5:22-25

Last night I was the 'guest speaker' at a church I used to attend for their ladies Christmas gathering. Women of the church hosted tables that they decorated, purchased gifts for, and invited friends to dine with them for the evening. The spread of food was overwhelming and was followed by games and a gift exchange as well! A special 'thank you' to my dear table hostess, Chloris, for her kindness!

I wanted to share on the topic I spoke on briefly to encourage and challenge you. I asked my husband a week ago, when I was still considering what I should talk on, what topics he thought would be beneficial. He said, "Whatever is on your heart right now...whatever you are dealing with personally...someone else is there too".

A few days ago I decided to combine the boy's art and Bible lesson into the theme of 'The Fruit of God's Spirit'. We cut out colorful construction paper into the shapes of all kinds of fruit and wrote out all nine spiritual 'fruit' names. We made a large tree and decorated the wall above our pantry. Each time one of the boys would disobey or hurt his brother, we would walk over to the wall hand in hand, read the verse, and then they would be asked to point out which fruit they were lacking. We would then pray together that God's Spirit would grant them the ability to gain where needed.

As the day went on we all noticed that their was one fruit in particular that our carnal/sin nature was having more problems with than the others. The watermelon, also known as self-control, was tripping us up each time. Webster's defines self-control as, "restraint exercised over one's own impulses, emotions or desires. And we (meaning me and the boys) we greatly lacking in that area.

Paul was speaking to the church when he writes in Galatians 5:16-18, "So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law."

He goes onto say in the following verses of chapter 5:22-25, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit."

Restraint over my emotions and desires?! I’m here to tell you that ain’t gonna happen without the Holy Spirit! As Paul said, 'our sinful nature does that which is contrary to the Spirit of God and they are in conflict with one another!' Remember, this is not a battle which you should try to fight on your own! These fruits are an evidence of our growth in Christ. Those of us who have chosen to trust in Jesus for our salvation have the ability to rely on His Spirit to apply this fruit in our daily life.

I have to laugh at myself or other mom’s when we talk about ‘jr’ and the mother says “how bad they are; they aren’t thoughtful of others, they won’t share; they are back-talking…etc.' Why? We act so confused- yet the WORD reminds us that it is Our sinful nature! It is within us from birth. Have you heard the toddler’s creed? Let me remind you..

If I want it, it's mine.

If I give it to you and change my mind later, it's mine.

If I can take it away from you, it's mine.

If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

If it's mine, it will never belong to anybody else, no matter what.

If we are building something together, all the pieces are mine.

If it looks just like mine, it is mine.

Only with age have most of us learned manners and enough political correctness, to not say in public what is “on our minds”. You may be smiling into the sunshine, when your boss is ‘givin’ it to you’, but underneath those pearly whites you may be thinking a few choice words. Whether you are 1 or 100- we all still deal with it. Self control! The ability only through the Holy Spirit to show restraint over my emotions, my desires, and my impulses.

Let me share a true story about my lack of self-control from a very short time ago. The boys and I were in Meijer. It was right before Daddy was to come home for dinner and I decided we needed french bread baguettes to go with our Italian dinner that evening. The boys- let me tell you- were DONE! They were done! They had a long day and had no desire to go trapsing into Meijer for baguettes. I was stressed and frankly- not a good combination.

So, here we are in the self-checkout lane (between you and me- not a big fan of them!) I had one hand on the bread scanning it and another on my lil's bub's pants trying to hold him in the cart. My oldest was rolling around the floor and I was about to lose my mind. Nothing was scanning correctly and I was ticked. Then I did something that will remain to this day a complete surprise to even me. I began to beat the self-checkout machine with the baguette. After one solid punch to the fiesty machine, I heard a sweet voice behind me say, “Angel? Is that you?” I turned around to see our pastor's daughter-in-law standing behind me! Not only was I embarressed, but I was reminded that even when we think no one is watching...someone always is.

Who are the people that see you daily and intimately? Wife- your husband? Mother- your children? Daughter- your parent? Sister- your sibling? Do they see the working of the Holy Spirit in you-? Do they see the evidence of growth in your walk with the Lord? How easy is it to lose control of our emotions and impulses around those who will forgive us because of their love for us. Are we disrespecting our husband our breaking the spirit of our child because of our lack of control? Sister, brother in Christ- let us forsake the old sin nature and desire the freedom of Christ and His Spirit.

Most of the time it is easier to show restraint in public places. We know that the public is watching and something in us doesn't want our reputation to be tarnished in the light of those strangers among us. The real evidence, however, of your growth will be seen around those who you are “yourself” with- in the private of your home…in the darkness of your minivan's tinted windows.

I pray that you would desire wisdom and guidance so that through the Holy Spirit you may have...

Love (even when there is hate in your heart)
Joy (even in the grief of losing a loved one)
Peace (in the conflict of a rocky marriage or an abusive husband)
Patience (even when your children have pushed you to the edge)
Kindness (to the abrasive and rude boss or co-worker)
Goodness ( to the parent who has always been critical or judgemental)
Faithfulness (to continue to pray in spite of apathy)
Gentleness (to the driver in front of you that insists on going 20 miles an hour on the freeway when you are late)
And, finally, self-control, in the most private of your heart- when only God is watching.