We received that phone call at 2pm in the afternoon on a rainy and dreary day, but of course it seemed like sunshine was streaming in the windows after this special call! The phone call that sent us in hundreds of different directions all at once. A baby boy due in a matter of weeks that needs a family desperately and she picked you. She wants to meet you! You are the family!
If you aren't living in a hole, I'm sure you are aware of the fundraising frenzy that ensued shortly after our news to prepare for this sweet little guy financially. Through your generous donations, auction bids and surprise gifts we raised the money needed to bring him home.
His due date was May 2, 2013. Last week we put together his crib in our bedroom under the verse on our wall that says, "For this child I have prayed and the Lord has given me the desire of my heart." And we waited. I washed up all the little t-shirts, socks, pants and sleepers and gently folded them in his special tote. We installed the car-seat and packed his diaper bag for the hospital. And we waited. We bought a gift for the birth mama and I worked on her card. What do you say to the woman who has chosen you to care for her child? Oh, my heart was excited, but cautiously optimistic. Adoption is a roller coaster and you never know what is going to happen. We continued to wait and trust on the Lord.
Remember the story of Joseph in the Bible? Favorite son of his father, hated by his brothers, sold into slavery, wrongly accused and imprisoned, released and set in a place of honor, saved the nation of Israel, etc. His brothers had purposefully and maliciously sold him and lied about it to their father, Jacob, who grieved the death of his son for decades. His brothers held it heavy on their consciences for years and in the middle of it all Joseph is kept from having a relationship with his family in his country for the best years of his life.
When it all came down in the end of the story and these brothers stood before Joseph (unaware at first of who he was) in Pharaoh's court, they were scared out of their mind for the revenge he might take on them for their dastardly dead so many years before. But do you remember what he said in response? Joseph replied, "And now do not be distressed or angry with yourselves because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life."
Joseph had a realization of God's sovereignty. Sovereignty means that God, as the ruler of the Universe, has the right to do whatever he wants. Further, he is in complete control over everything that happens and it is for His good and His glory and for the good of his children- although it may not always look that way to us. The true God of the Bible does not simply react to blessing or adversity, but rather He ordains it, purposes it, plans it and carries out His will. Proverbs 21:1 says, "The king’s heart is in the hand of the Lord, Like the rivers of water; He turns it wherever He wishes."
God allowed Joseph to go through some very hard times in his life, but he also chose to give him success and favor with the many Egyptians that he worked with over the years. There wasn't anything special about Joseph, but God chose him and set him apart to show him grace. Keep in mind, however, that in the end, it was so that the nation of Israel and so many other surrounding countries would be saved from the horrible famine. Yes, the famine that God sent to show His great glory so that the people would know that HE IS GOD. Some may have been in that famine as judgement, some so that they would see God's mercy and grace and turn from idol worship and child sacrifice, some to be reminded of the kindness of God and the saving power from death.
We can't control the actions of God, nor should we ever desire to do so. In our sinfulness we sometimes feel that we know better than God does because our situation doesn't make sense to us and He must have made the wrong decision. Honestly, I am creating a false god that suits myself and my whims when I choose to put him in a box and see Him either as a cruel God or a wonderful God, just depending on my positive or negative circumstances. God doesn't change. He is abundant in mercy and loving kindness, but remember that everything that happens is for His glory and according to his perfect will- not always my happiness or my wishes.
Joseph got to see the end of the story. He understood the "why" in his situation. Sometimes we will get to see that too, but sometimes we won't. And, that needs to be okay because He is God and we are not. I can't always see past the end of my road. We will walk down the path and see death that seems so unnecessary to us, disease that seems such a waste and trials that should never have come to pass. God, in his infinite wisdom and goodness, allows us to walk through this. He is still so good and He is worthy of our worship and trust.
We received a phone call from the agency on Sunday afternoon that this little guy was born, but we wouldn't be the ones to take him home. He wouldn't be the one to fill our car seat in the back of our mini-van, fit into the little sleepers and hats that I washed and folded or even gently sleep under the promising scripture on my wall. I don't know the end of my story. I don't know why his birth mama chose to end this adoption plan.
But I do know one thing for certain. God is faithful and He is good and He is Sovereign. We desire to be a family that is open to any little child that needs a loving home. We want them to hear the Gospel story of Jesus Christ and know the power of Salvation from sin and the love of our Redeemer. But for now, we wait. We rejoice that this mama is holding her son and pray that she would be able to protect him and keep him safe and that God would change her and heal her from her addictions so that she can be the mommy that this little guy needs.
One day my car-seat will be filled with cheerio crumbs and the clothes will be worn through with green bean stains from the little guy (or girl) that was intended before the world was created to be grafted into our family, but for now we wait. Thanks to everyone's excitement with us for our next adoption, we are ready and waiting for that "surprise" call that will inevitably come. We wait patiently and we wait with joy because we trust our God and that is enough.
Job 1:21, " And he said, “Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”
Soli Deo Gloria,
Angel